The Bridge

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          One Saturday morning, my mom told me to buy spices for her “Menudo”, my father’s favorite dish. I went outside to buy 1 bell pepper, ½ kilo of onions, and ¼ kilo of sugar. It was a cold morning though the sun was smiling at me. I was so excited that time not because of what mom told me to buy but for the reason that I will be seeing the bridge again. Everytime I was told to go to town or even I’m out from the house, I stayed in the bridge for awhile and left off wherever I want. Mama reminded me always not to go to the bridge for it’s dangerous but I never listened to what mom has told me. I don’t know why but everytime I’m on the bridge my heart is filled with excitement and contentment. The flowing water below and the cool air from the meadows make me feel free and alive. Maybe, that was my reason why I disobeyed mom. I love my mom, I’ve been a good son to her and even a good sibling to my brothers and sisters but when it talked about the bridge, I can’t help myself but to disobey mom or sneak out in the house just to be on the bridge. The bridge was my second home. Whenever I had problem regarding my behavior as a child or even I’m lonely, I went to the bridge and stayed there. I was only 10 years old that time and I can’t believe why I acted like that.

          Now I’m 21, decade had passed since mama decided to leave our town. It was a very painful decision. I wanted to forget the past but still I can’t expunge the memory inside. Every time I remember those times I can’t stop myself from crying and made myself believe that what happened before was my fault. It was my fault why Papa died. It was my fault why Mama was suffering from pain and loneliness until now.

           It was noon when mama allowed me to visit the bridge and told me not to go nearer the water for its dangerous. I said yes as a reply to what mama has said and agreed to follow what she just told me. And again I was very excited to be in the bridge to play. The water that time was very clear and even the sunrays was not that hot. But it was unusual that day that no one was there, even Mang Pablo, a fisherman was not around. I took a bath in the river when I’m there. Mang Pablo is always there to watch over me. That time, I was hesitant to bathe myself in the water for no one is around. “I’m grown up now”, that was my mind dictates. So, I undress myself and jump into the water. It was the perfect day for me. I had so much energy that time until the sky suddenly turns gray and the wind blew so hard that made my body shaking. Before I made some move, big bulge of water flows from above rushing towards me. I was very frightened that time. My body suddenly became numb. I couldn’t move and runs out of air when suddenly I felt a hand grasping me. At first I thought I’m going to die but when that hand reaches me I felt secured. Yeah, I was secured but when I opened my eyes, I was in shocked; mom and my siblings were there, sobbing and crying. I saw papa lying with no more life. I went to papa’s cold body; embrace him with a loud cry.

          Now, I still couldn’t erase the abhorring past of my life, the past that makes me regretful of being a mischievous child. If ever I am given a chance to change my past, I would choose the day when my papa died. But, that would only be a dream. A pointless dream that could not replace the sorrows that is haunting me. If only papa was alive, maybe I am a successful doctor right now. If only papa was alive, maybe I would not grow up as a rebellious son. If only papa was alive, maybe I would not be a pusher of illegal drugs. And if only papa was alive, maybe I would not be here in this jail for the rest of my life.